A Slippery Slope

I didn’t just wake up one morning with a broken marriage. Our dynamic changed little by little over the course of years. I don’t even know when the direction changed for us. How could we go from being best friends to each other’s enemy? It wasn’t one moment that changed how we looked at each other. It was a bunch of little careless moments that led to the neglect of the thing that we cared about the most, our marriage.

I was working and going to school at night full-time. He was working full-time early mornings and would leave for work before I was even up. We only saw each other in passing most of the time and what little time we had together was spent handling household business. We spent so much of our time in the hustle and bustle of trying to provide something for our son, that we forgot about the importance of investing in each other. Because we were so busy; we stopped enjoying the important moments of life together, like shared meals and family gatherings. Most importantly, we stopped going to church and worshiping together. It wasn’t like we just woke up one morning and decided that we didn’t want to go to church. We were exhausted from life, and so we would occasionally skip church to rest. We never had any intention of neglecting our worship life. It just happened slowly, over time. And I know our relationship with God isn’t tied to church, but when we nonchalantly miss church repeatedly, it is an indication that our priorities are out of order. I can see it so clearly now, but at the time; it didn’t seem as significant. I can see that as the importance of church went down on our priority list, our own personal relationship with God did as well, and the downward spiral of our marriage followed. Our relationship with God should be our number one priority.

Why?

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NLT) God is what holds a marriage together.

That last part of the passage is most important. “For a triple-braided cord is not easily broken" (v. 12). When you remove God from the equation, your marriage is weakened. It might not seem like it in the moment. You might be able to sustain for a while. But eventually, life will take its toll on you and your spouse, to the detriment of your marriage. I saw an illustration of God’s intentions for marriage once, and I’ll never forget it. Imagine you and your spouse are standing back to back and there is a rope wrapped around the both of you, binding you to each other. This rope signifies the presence of God in your marriage. In this position, with God binding you together, you and your spouse have each other’s backs. You are standing back to back fighting the battles of life together. “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help" (v. 9-10). When you and your spouse are positioned correctly with God holding you together, you can support each other, and keep each other from falling into the traps of life. “But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer" (v. 10-12). When God is no longer a cord that binds us to our spouse; it is very easy to get out of position and forget that we are on the same team. Our relationship with God keeps us on the right path, the path that leads to life instead of death, unity and not division, hope instead of hopelessness. Without God we will eventually find ourselves, and as a result, our marriage in an undesirable place. This is because we were never meant to do life, let alone marriage, independently of God. Life is hard, and marriage is hard. No matter how composed we are, no matter how successful we are, LIFE HAPPENS. Life happens and sometimes there is nothing we can do about it. But if you and your marriage are anchored to something that is stable, you will be able to weather the storm with the peace of God and your marriage still in tact. “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock. But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.” (Matthew 7:24-27 NLT) We can not build our lives on our careers, dreams and aspirations. We can not build our lives on our kids, or even our spouse. Non of these things can hold us up in trying times. Building our lives on the solid rock of the word of God is the only foundation that will hold us up. We were told to always keep God first in our marriage and we would be successful, but we didn’t really understand what that meant. We didn’t know how easily we could get off track, and what it looked like to really allow God to anchor us. But even after the failure that we experienced, God in his grace helped us get back on track. What if it’s only you?

What if you’re the only one in the relationship that has any desire to change directions and move towards a stronger relationship with God? I made the mistake of believing that we both had to be in agreement for God to work in our situation. I spent time and energy (unsuccessfully) trying to get my husband on board. After a while, I couldn’t help but think that there was no hope for my marriage. But, that is a lie. It took some time, but God began to show me that all he needed was one person to commit and be willing to intercede for the marriage. “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” (Mark 10:7-9 NLT) When two people get married they are no longer seen as individuals in the eyes of God, but they are one.

Let me take a second and explain. I’m not saying that you no longer have an individual purpose on the earth, and I’m certainly not saying that God does not hold people accountable for their own actions. But, what I am saying is that when you get married you have the supernatural ability to act on behalf of yourself and your spouse when it comes to your spiritual lives. “For the believing wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the believing husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy.” (1 Corinthians 7:14 NLT) “Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?” (1 Corinthians 7:16 NLT) God only needs one of you to agree with Him in order to perform a miracle on your marriage and your family. I have seen Him do it! All God needed was for me to be willing to put the situation in His hands, and He walked me through the rest. He healed my marriage and performed so many miracles in our lives. All He needs is your participation! Are you ready to give your marriage over to God? Prayer of Surrender Heavenly Father, I ask you to forgive me for trying to do life without you, but I need you in this moment. I need you to come into my heart and come into this marriage. I ask you to heal the broken pieces in our lives and restore what was lost. I don’t have the answers God, but you do. I don’t know where to go from here, but you do. Today, I surrender myself and my marriage over to you. When I forget and seek to do things my way, remind me through your Holy Spirit that you are in control, and that you know what’s best. Help me each day to walk with you and remind me to keep you first in my life. I trust you father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!