Every morning my kids start their school day off with the same motivational statement. They tell themselves that they are somebody, and that they will be a better somebody today. They speak life into themselves, and remind themselves of the importance of caring for others. But the last line of the statement is my favorite. They say, “But above all else, I am all in.”
I’ve been thinking about that last line a lot today, about how important it is that they make the decision daily that they will be all in, because there will be distractions and bumps along the way. Now, we are talking about children here. They will not always feel like putting their all into school, but this statement is meant to help anchor them. It is meant to motivate them, and it teaches them how to motivate themselves. It encourages them, so that when their assignments get hard, and they get frustrated from yet another day of distance learning, they will push through. It is meant to be engraved in their minds, so that they will not give up on their future, but they will grow to be individuals that have the determination and the will, to fight for their dreams.
Do you have a dream for your marriage? Maybe you feel like the chances of your marriage surviving are slim, let alone having a dream marriage. But think about when you were engaged to be married. What was your dream? What did you envision?
Before we get married, we tend to fantasize about how amazing life will be. And not much later, we realize that marriage is not as easy as it seems, so we get discouraged. We tell ourselves that our dreams weren’t realistic. We come to the realization that marriage isn’t what we thought it was, and we decide that our dreams of having an amazing marriage are unattainable.
But, this isn’t true. Maybe you've just stopped dreaming? Think about everything that you’ve accomplished in your life, everything that you have been successful at. I bet, it was once a vision.
Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. (Proverbs 29:18 KJV)
Vision holds the key to success in every area of our lives. Just think about it. You are successful in your workplace because you once had a vision that you would be. You thought to yourself, I want to be great at what I do, and your actions followed. You decided that you would put in the work, and do whatever you needed to do to be successful. The same is true when it comes to paying off debt. You envisioned yourself free from that debt, and you made the decision to work towards that goal. Success does not just happen. If you are successful at anything, it is because you once had a vision, and you made the decision that you would see that vision come to pass.
It is impossible to have a blessed marriage without a vision for the future.
I remember sitting and thinking about what my family would look like if we were to live in the blessings that God has for us. I would envision my husband loving on me, us worshiping together, family fun and games, and summer vacations. This is something that I longed for us to experience.
The vision of a happy and healthy marriage is what sparked my desire to fight. The vision is what gave me the will to say, I want my family healed. Then, I made a decision. I told myself that “I am done going back and forth on whether or not I believe it can happen. I believe that God can. I believe that God will. I am all in.”
Beyond having a vision, the decision to be all in was pivotal to my fight for my marriage. I took divorce off the table. Because when divorce is an option, there will always be a situation that pushes you to the point where you say, I can’t do it anymore. There will always be another fight. There is going to be betrayal, there will be let downs and disappointments, because we live in a fallen world. But when you say, “I am all in,” the door to divorced gets closed, and the door to healing gets opened. When divorce is an option, it becomes your escape when you are at the end of your rope. When divorce isn’t an option, God becomes your shelter; He’s where your help comes from.
I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord , who made heaven and earth! (Psalms 121:1-2 NLT)
You won’t truly look to God until all other options are off the table.
When you aren’t all in, you are simply wishing for God to heal your marriage, but you don’t actually believe that He will. How do I know this? Because divorce is your back-up plan. Divorce is your safety net. If all else fails, at least you can leave. But, this mindset shows where your faith lies. This mindset proves that you do not fully believe that God will come through for you. The problem with this view, is that you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to have the power of God at work in your marriage.
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT)
We do not need the strength of a back-up plan. We need the strength of the Lord.
Our weakness is what allows God to show His strength in our lives. If we have it all calculated out, If we are strong in our ideas, and our plans to save ourselves, we leave no room for God to work in our lives.
But when we have nothing left to give, when we are at the end of our rope, and we admit that only God can save us, that is when His grace kicks in. That is when He shows up and shows out in our lives. When we acknowledge our weakness, the fact that we don’t know how to move forward, His strength takes over.
His strength only has a chance to shine through our weaknesses.
So, think about where you are right now. Do you continually dance with the idea of divorce, or are you all in? Maybe you are waiting on your spouse to make their decision before you make yours. I’ll be honest, no one wants to commit to being all in, alone. That puts us out there. That makes us feel less safe, and vulnerable. That is not an easy choice; but sometimes, that is the only way to move forward.
I went back an forth for a while. I would say that I was going to fight for my marriage, but I struggled with the fact that my husband wasn’t all in with me. I felt like it wasn’t fair for me to be the one to put in all the work. My pride kept me from sacrificing for my family.
You might have to make the decision to be all in alone, until your husband joins the fight.
I realized that my indecision was prolonging the healing of my marriage. I could not control my husband’s decisions, but I could control my response. I looked at my situation for what it was, and I said, “God, this is where we are; I need you to carry us the rest of the way.”
Don’t underestimate your ability to intercede for your marriage.
As a wife, you have the power to pray for your marriage and your husband, to see God’s promises come to pass. You can take that first step without his agreement, but you are not alone. God will walk with you, and He will never leave you.
Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT)
Sometimes we get so caught up in our struggles that we loose hope for the future.
But right now, take some time to dream. What do you envision for your marriage? Do you see your marriage healed? What does it look like to be whole, and in love? Picture you and your husband spending quality time together, enjoying each other’s company. Picture yourselves traveling, and exploring the world together, having fun as a family, and dreaming together.
This, is what you are fighting for. You aren’t fighting for your current situation, you are fighting for your future. You are fighting for the dream that you once had before you said I do.
And when you make the decision to be all in, know, that their will be setbacks. There will be tough days, when you are at the end of your rope, and you say, “I can’t do this anymore.” But then, just like my children, you will remember your decision. You will get back up, with God’s help, and fight to see your dreams come to pass.
Don’t believe for a second that this vision is unattainable, because there is nothing that impossible for our God.
Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.” (Matthew 19:26 NLT)
When you make the decision to be all in, it becomes God’s burden to bear.
I know the weight of feeling like an entire marriage and family rest on your shoulders. I’ve been there, but I’ve come to realize that when you make the decision to be all in, you are saying, “God I agree with you, I trust your plan.”
And God’s plans for you are always good.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT)
So you won’t have to strive to have a successful marriage, because that is already God’s plan for you. He wants you to enjoy the life you have, and that includes having a blessed marriage. It is never our obligation to bring the promises of God into our lives; that is His job. All we have to do is say, “God, I’m all in.”
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