Don't Take It Personal

I just want you to know that it's not your fault. If your husband has stepped outside of your marriage, or he is currently being unfaithful to you, know, that you are not to blame. I say this because I used to think it was about me. I wondered what I did to make my husband look elsewhere. It honestly made me question myself, who I was, and whether I would ever be good enough. Maybe you’re like me, and you feel betrayed. I felt like the one person that was supposed to protect me, became the person that I needed to protect myself from. But more than anything, I struggled with my self-confidence, and my self-worth. Or, maybe you’re on the other side of the coin. Maybe you’ve messed up, and you desire healing in your marriage. And maybe you too, suffer from a lack of self-worth. Know, that you are just as valuable to your Lord and Savior. The blood of Jesus covers it all. No matter the state of your marriage, and regardless of what your husband says of you, you were fearfully and wonderfully made. For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. (Psalms 139:13-14 NKJV) You are who you are for a reason. Your existence is not an accident. Your heavenly father designed you perfectly, so that you might fill the void in this earth that no one else can. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10 NKJV) You are so special to your heavenly father. He cares about the smallest of details in your life. Your hurt, your pain, your disappointments, matter to Him. Don't ever feel like you aren’t good enough, because He says that your are. He says that you are beautiful, just the way you are. And He will fight for you, so that you may experience everything that He has planned for you. Don’t take it personal. It’s easy to receive the actions of our husbands as a reflection of ourselves. We tend to think everything has something to do with us. It’s so personal, I know. But as personal as it may feel, it’s not that way at all. Regardless of your mistakes, there is nothing that you could have done to drive your husband to do this. It has nothing to do with who you are. It has nothing to do with what you have or haven’t done. This is a common misconception. That the one being hurt is somehow responsible. But, it is simply not true. When issues arise within marriage, the proper response is always to turn toward your marriage, not run from it. The proper response is always to fight for your spouse to be their best self, through communication and more importantly, through prayer. It’s so important that you understand this. That you are worth fighting for. And if your husband chooses to turn away, instead of fighting for you, it has nothing to do with you. We all make choices, and we are responsible for the choices that we make. When infidelity occurs in marriage, the cause is never as superficial as it seems. It flows from the heart. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.(Matthew 15:19 NLT) Our actions express the condition of our hearts. When our hearts become hardened, and we continually sin, we begin to live in darkness without knowing it. We live upside down thinking we are right side up. We walk through life with blurred vision, thinking that we can see clearly. When we are consumed by darkness, our priorities get skewed. We do things that hurt the people closest to us, and even ourselves, without being able to calculate the cost. This is a scary place to be. If your husband is walking in darkness, Jesus can bring him into the light. Jesus can remove the veil from his eyes. He is the one that can lead your husband into all truth. And the truth, the light of Jesus, is what frees us from darkness. Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. (John 14:6 NLT) And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32 NLT) You light a lamp for me. The Lord , my God, lights up my darkness. (Psalms 18:28 NLT) The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it. (John 1:5 NLT) So, we are never just dealing with the sinful actions that wreck our lives. We can’t just address the behavior, we have to address our hearts in prayer. Trying to change ourselves using human strength never works in the long run. We will always revert back to our natural tendencies. But God’s work, lasts a lifetime. I know that whatever God does, it endures forever; nothing can be added to it nor can anything be taken from it, for God does it so that men will fear and worship Him [with awe-filled reverence, knowing that He is God]. (Ecclesiastes 3:14 AMP) God’s grace allows us to walk in His purpose even after we have destroyed the world around us. He draws us out of deep waters, and pulls us out of pits that we get ourselves into. He saves us, restores us, and redeems us. He gives us a new identity, and a fresh start. In His presence, we find our true worth. As I sat there, broken, wondering why this had to happen to me, I went back and forth from being angry to grieved in a matter of minutes. My emotions were all over the place. I needed God to be there for me in that moment, and He was. He came to my rescue, and comforted me. He reassured me that He is with me, and that none of it will go to waste. He told me to give it to Him. He said that He will use it all for His Glory. Our God uses the good and the bad to advance His purpose. I’m reminded of the story of Joseph, the son of Jacob. His story started off with his own brothers selling him into slavery. But, it ended in him being in control of the entire land of Egypt, answering only to Pharaoh. God gave Joseph wisdom, and the ability to interpret dreams. So, he knew in advanced that a famine was on the way, and he knew how to prepare for it. Joseph’s plan saved his family’s lives, and it saved the entire region from dying of starvation. Later, once their father Jacob died, Joseph’s brothers were fearful that he would retaliate against them. But look at how Joseph responded. But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you? You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. (Genesis 50:19-20 NLT) Every time I read this story, I am amazed. Joseph was betrayed by his own family, the people that were closest to him, but he didn’t hold it against them. Joseph realized that God was using their hate to push him into purpose. He knew that without his brother’s betrayal, he would not have been positioned to accomplish God’s plan to save their lives. Even the worst parts of our story, are being used by God. Sometimes, in the darkest moments of our lives, God is doing the most work. The failures we experience, expose the places where we need the light of Jesus the most. When we give those areas to him, He heals us. He builds us back up again, and we are stronger and more anchored than ever before. This is the most beautiful thing, if we allow it to be. If we give all of ourselves to God in those moments, nothing will be wasted. When we walk with Him, He uses each trial to push us towards His purpose for our lives. He truly takes our ashes and turns them into something beautiful. This is where we are, my husband and I. Our marriage literally came crashing down, but God isn’t wasting any of it. He's literally taking every broken piece, and He’s not just putting us back together again, but He’s molding us into one. He’s using all of the pain for our good, and for His glory. He’s showing us how to be there for each other, how to protect each other, and how to be the couple that He desires for us to be. The walls that were once used to protect ourselves from each other, are now a fortress protecting our union. We are able to be vulnerable with each other, without fear. It’s like all of this happened just so that we can really live the life that God has for us. We would not have the marriage that we have today, without those tough moments, and without the grace of God covering us. But, we are never immune to the traps of life. In marriage, it is important to protect ourselves from the lust of our flesh. How do we do this? Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23 NIV) We have to be vigilant. Guarding our hearts means that we protect ourselves from anything that could open the door to sin in our lives. You must let go of anything, or anyone, that could potentially cause you to drift from your husband. Most importantly, you must pray daily for the blood of Jesus to cover your marriage. You must invite Jesus into your situation and seek His protection. The protection of Jesus Christ is what saved my marriage. He stepped in and interrupted my husbands plans. Jesus opened his eyes, so that he could see where he was. He could see that he had been living upside down. He could see the truth. Jesus pulled him out of the darkness, and brought him into His marvelous light. Lean into God in this moment. What are you in need of? Do you need God to interrupt the course of your marriage? Do you need Him to reach down and pull you out of the pit that you are in? Do you need the eyes of your husband to be opened so that he might see God’s truth? Or maybe you just need God to show you how valuable you are, and the purpose He has for you? Whatever it is, take it to Him. He cares for you. He’s waiting for you. He is ready to help you through this. Prayer Heavenly Father, I need your presence to cover me in this moment. I need you to lift me up, and heal the areas of brokenness within me. Show me how you see me, help me to know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Help me to find my confidence and worth in you alone. I pray your healing over my marriage. Where there are areas of darkness, shine the light of your truth. I pray that you would remove any barriers that stand between my husband and I. Interrupt any plan of infidelity, and shed your truth in the situation. I pray that your hand would be on the areas of our relationship that are broken. Heal us, and mend us into one. I thank you that You are using even this for our good, and for Your glory. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.