I knew that if I could just get us both at the foot of the cross, Jesus would do the rest. But there was this wall that we couldn’t break through. No matter what I said or did, my husband wasn’t on board. He didn't want to talk about God; he wouldn’t entertain any conversation that had anything to do with Him.
As I continued to pray for healing in my marriage, I realized that my husband was not in the place to receive from God. His heart was impenetrable; his heart was hard. Before God could work in our marriage, He would first have to work in my husband’s heart.
But, as God showed me how to intercede for my marriage, I realized that my husband wasn’t the only one that had a hard heart. My heart had become hard too. Although I was the one fighting for our marriage, God showed me that there were things in my heart that were preventing Him from working through me. He wanted to use me in the process of reviving my marriage.
When we are praying for God to work in a situation, we are always a part of the process.
God will never do a miracle in our lives without our participation. We have to be willing to be used by Him. We have to be available. We must be obedient.
Whatever you are praying for, whether it is for your marriage, for your family, or maybe for yourself, know, that God always begins His work in our hearts. And, our ability to receive His answer depends on us. Our hearts must be responsive, our minds must be open.
As I studied the bible over the past week, something jumped out at me. The words in this scripture have always been there, but this time was different.
The passage recalls one of the miracles that Jesus performed. And in this story, we see the Pharisees watching Jesus closely, as usual. They were waiting to see if He would perform a miracle on the Sabbath. And if He did, they intended to accuse Him of working on this holy day of rest.
Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus’ enemies watched him closely. If he healed the man’s hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath. Jesus said to the man with the deformed hand, “Come and stand in front of everyone.” Then he turned to his critics and asked, “Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?” But they wouldn’t answer him. He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” So the man held out his hand, and it was restored! At once the Pharisees went away and met with the supporters of Herod to plot how to kill Jesus. (Mark 3:1-6 NLT)
Now, I’ve read this so many times, but the Holy Spirit stopped me where the scripture says that Jesus, “… looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts.” I believe that Jesus was angry at their lack of a desire to see the truth. And I believe that He was saddened because, if only their hearts were soft, they would have been able to receive the revelation that He was indeed the Messiah. But, nevertheless, they held to their predetermined judgement of Jesus. They were not in the position to receive a revelation of the Truth.
In contrast, we see the man with the deformed hand. Now, we don't know what this man expected to encounter on his visit to the synagogue that day, but I’ll assume that he knew nothing of the healing that would be available to him. He didn’t know Jesus, and he could have been skeptical, as the Pharisees were. After all, it was the Sabbath, and in this culture, it is customary to refrain from doing anything that would require great effort. But still, this man’s heart was available to Jesus. He took a leap of faith and trusted Jesus’ instructions. He held out his hand, and it was restored.
The Pharisees and this man were at the same place, at the same time. Yet, this man left healed, and the Pharisees left so angry, that they began to plot how to kill Jesus.
This is the difference between those that have hardened hearts, and those with hearts that are open to receiving from God. Only the latter will receive the healing and restoration that they are in need of.
We have to have open hearts in order to receive the revelation, the blessings, and the miracles that God wants to give us.
Jesus referred to our hearts as soil, in the parable of the sower.
He told many stories in the form of parables, such as this one: “Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. But the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn’t have deep roots, they died. Other seeds fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants. Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted! Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.” (Matthew 13:3-9 NLT)
In this parable, the seeds are His word, and the soil is our hearts. The condition of our hearts determines what grows from the word that he plants. Later in the chapter, as Jesus is explaining the meaning of the parable, He says that the good soil represents those that actually hear God’s word, and allow it to produce a return in their lives.
The seed that fell on good soil represents those who truly hear and understand God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!” (Matthew 13:23 NLT)
God’s ability to speak to us, and His ability to work in our lives, depends on us. It depends on the condition of our hearts.
As I continued to pray over my husband, and believe that God would work in his heart, I began to pray this scripture from Ezekiel 36 over him.
And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. (Ezekiel 36:26 NLT)
Over time, my husband’s heart began to soften, and we began to have conversations about faith in God. So I continued to pray. And as I prayed, God continued to soften His heart. We started to stream church together at home, and eventually, we began to attend church together. It was a gradual process, but I could see that God was working in my husband’s heart. But it wasn’t just my husband’s spiritual life that deepened, our relationship began to heal, almost simultaneously.
And God began to soften my heart, as well. I was the one praying fervently for our marriage to be healed, but I was harboring unforgiveness that prevented God from using me in my situation. Their were still things that I was holding against my husband. I felt like holding on to offenses was punishing him, when it was only hurting me, and preventing me from hearing from God. You see, God had given me instruction…forgive. But, God will not give us step two, unless we are obedient in step one. So, my decision not to forgive was working against me. I was prolonging my miracle.
Ultimately, many of the ways that God used me to heal my marriage, required me to take action first. Instead of the resentment, He wanted me to serve my husband. I had been praying for my husband to know the love of Christ, but God wanted me to be that love of Christ in His life. Forgiveness is a tool that God used to help soften my husband’s heart. I believe that this is why Jesus wants us to forgive constantly. It isn’t to let the other person off the hook. It’s so that our hearts aren’t hard; it’s so that we can be used by Him.
Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! (Matthew 18:21-22 NLT)
God does the miracle through us; all we have to do is obey Him.
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us… (Ephesians 3:20 NKJV)
God has the power to work well beyond what we can ask or think of, but His power works through us. His power works in us. We can be used by God in this way, but our hearts must be open to whatever He asks of us.
We can position ourselves, and those around us, to receive from God.
This is so crucial. We’ve already established that our hearts need to be open, so that we can hear God speak. But we also need our hearts to be open so that He can have free reign to work in our lives, and the lives of those around us.
As in my situation, God needed to soften my heart, and my husband’s heart, so that He could do a deep work in our marriage. God will not force Himself into our lives. He is always knocking on the door to our hearts, but we must let Him in.
I had to allow Jesus to come in, and do a deep work in me. The same is true for my husband. Regardless of my efforts, it was my husband’s choice to allow God to work in his heart. But, we got there through prayer.
Never underestimate the work that God can do in your life, or in the lives of those around you.
It’s very easy to look at someone with a hardened heart, and feel like there is no way that God can reach them. But I want to tell you today, that this is a lie. I have seen God soften my husband’s heart; I have seem Him soften countless other hearts. I want to encourage you to speak the scriptures in Ezekiel 36 over yourself and others. And watch God work.
In Ezekiel 36, we also see that when God gives us a new, responsive heart, He also puts His Spirit in us.
And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations. (Ezekiel 36:27 NLT)
It is through the Holy Spirit that we are able to do what God calls us to do. And even when we are already filled with the Holy Spirit, He doesn’t always have free reign to work through us.
We must continually ask God to soften our hearts, so that His Spirit can lead our lives.
When we are aligned with Christ, everything else falls into place. But it starts in our hearts. Take this time to examine your heart. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you anything that has caused distance in your relationship with Him. It might not be unforgiveness, or a judgmental mindset, maybe it’s the pain from your past. Maybe you’ve experienced disappointment in your life, and as a defense mechanism, you’ve made the decision that you will live life on your own terms. Or maybe it’s shame. Remember that our Father casts our sins as far as the east is from the west. He sees you as He sees His Son. And I want you to know that there is nothing that can separate you from the love of God.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39 NLT)
There is no where that you can go, that will prevent the love of God from manifesting in your life. He is right here, in this moment. So ask Him to give you a new, responsive heart today. Allow Him to renew His Spirit in you. Ask Him to do the same for those you love. It is only through the presence of His Spirit, that we can do anything at all. We need Him.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, your word says that you will give me the free gift of your Spirit, when I ask you. So right now, I pray that you would pour your Spirit out on me. Give me a fresh filling of your presence. I need Your power with me right now; I need your help to do the things you’ve asked of me. Today, I make myself available to be used by you. Holy Spirit, I need you to come into my heart, and do a deep work in me. Remove my stony stubborn heart, and give me a tender responsive heart. Show me any areas that I haven’t submitted to you, and enable me to do whatever you ask of me. Come through and do what only you can do. Have your way in my life. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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