Open The Door

“God please help me! My husband is not seeing the situation clearly. He doesn’t see how he is hurting me. He doesn’t understand that his actions affect not just himself, but the rest of our family. I feel like he doesn’t even care. I don’t even feel like he loves me. If he did, why would he treat me like this? I need you to change him and mold him into the man that you created him to be! Help him to be the husband that I need him to be, and the father that our children need him to be. Help him to be the leader of our household that you have called him to be.” I’ve found myself here so many times. Hurt. Feeling like my husband wasn’t there when I needed him. My prayers were of a wife pleading for God to intervene in her situation, and change her husband so that he could see her. I desperately desired for him to understand. I put all my energy into praying for God to help him with this. My prayers weren’t misguided or wrong. But, the Holy Spirit showed me something during that season. You see, before God addressed what was in my husband’s heart, He first addressed what was in mine. It starts with you. Jesus says: “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.” (Matthew 7:1-6 NLT) “What do you mean God? I know I’m not perfect, but do you see how he treats me? I mean, if I’ve done anything to him, It sure does not compare to everything that he has done to me! I don’t deserve this!” I was, and am, sometimes convinced that my husband needs God’s grace and saving more than I do. I know I need God, but not like he does. If God would just fix him, he would be great; I would be great, and our marriage would be great! Have you found yourself here before? Have you found yourself seeking to work on your husband more than you seek to better yourself? Jesus is saying that we all have something that we need to work on. We can’t forget that “…everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard” (Romans 3:23 NLT). It is imperative that we understand this when we seek God’s help in our marriage, because this is where God starts. God is close to the humble. “Though the Lord is great, he cares for the humble, but he keeps his distance from the proud.” (Psalms 138:6 NLT) I had to learn to humble myself before God so that He would come close to me. I needed Him, because I had tried everything I could think of on my own. I knew that He was the only one that could get me through what I was facing.

This is what we need in our lives. We need the presence of God near, so that He can work in us. "If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land." (II Chronicles 7:14 NKJV) God promises to heal and restore our land, but first, we must humble ourselves. This means that we can no longer be prideful and think that only our husbands need God’s help. We need His help too. God will not force his way into our lives...

We have to invite Him in. Jesus says: “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.” (Revelation 3:20 NLT) Don’t just let Him into your marriage. Let Him into your life. Allow Him to heal your areas of brokenness. Your heavenly father cares for you. This is an amazing thing. God wants to see you whole. The scriptures tell of how much our heavenly father cares for us… “He made their hearts, so he understands everything they do.” (Psalms 33:15 NLT) “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” (Psalms 56:8 NLT) “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” (Psalms 34:18 NLT) “…He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair…” (Isaiah 61:3 NLT) “Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” (Isaiah 41:10 NLT) Your heavenly father wants you to know that you can come to him, because he understands the way you feel more than anyone else. He is there to catch all your tears. He’s close to you when you feel like your heart and spirits have been crushed. Give Him your pain, and allow Him to heal you. He gives beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. This is what you are going to need on this journey. A personal relationship with God will give you the wholeness that you are searching for. You will never receive this from anyone else. You do not want your personal joy to be tied to your husband. Jesus wants to give you a joy that is rooted in who He is. A joy that does not waver with the circumstances of life. He says, do not be discouraged because He is with you. He will hold you up and give you the strength that you need to fight along the way. God will show you what to do. Once He gets permission to come into the details of your life, He won’t just begin to heal you, but He will give you a fresh perspective. He will begin to show you how He sees your husband. He will give you discernment into the broken areas of your husband’s life, so that you can do more than pray for his actions. You will be able to effectively pray for the areas that your husband needs healing in the most. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.” (Psalms 32:8) This scripture says that God will instruct us. This is good news because we are not capable of walking this journey alone. If we were, our marriage would be perfect and we would be happy. But this isn’t the case. We need the One who knows everything. We need the One who knows us better than we know ourselves. We need the One that has seen the end from the beginning. The One that knows why you are where you are, and how to get you to where He desires you to be. He’s the One that can coach you through this. Why do we need a coach? Because coaches can see things that players can’t see while they are in the game. When we are in the middle of the circumstances of our lives, we often times can’t see clearly, and we don't have the whole picture. Coaches have wisdom. They have the perspective that is needed to choose the winning play. We need God to coach us because He is the one that is wise enough to know what that winning play is. There were so many times where I wanted to give up along my journey, but time and time again, God lifted me up. He helped me to see past where I was at. He gave me a perspective that allowed me to have hope, faith, and vision for the future. He wants to do the same thing for you. He wants to give you a different perspective. His perspective. “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord . (Isaiah 55:8 NKJV) He wants you to walk with Him so that He can guide you through this season of your life. But know that this is a process. Do not get discouraged. We will not always get it right. And when we fail, our father’s grace is always sufficient to cover us. He is always present. Knocking on the door of our hearts, waiting for us with arms wide open. Are you ready to let him in? Prayer Dear Heavenly Father, today I ask that you would come into my heart and touch the broken areas of my life. I give you permission to mold me into the woman that you created me to be. Change my perspective father. Show me what you want me to see in this season. I surrender my will, and I ask that your will be done. I need your wisdom to get me through this season. Show me what to do, and give me the strength that is takes to follow through. I need you to sustain me through this. I can’t do this alone. When my heart aches, I pray that I would feel your comforting presence. When I feel like I can’t breath and I want to give up, I pray that you would hold me up, and breathe the breath of life back into me. Remind me that you are in control, and that you are with me. I love you father. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.