The Faith Giver

We were both frustrated, unable to communicate, and unable to find our way back. Every conversation ended in one, or both of us being offended. I was determined to do whatever I had to do, to make things work. On the other hand, my husband was disappointed and frustrated, as I was, but he didn’t think reconciliation was even possible. As a result, he completely checked out. We separated. During that time, I focused on trying to work on our relationship, but he continually pushed me away. I felt like he didn’t want to make things work. He would say things like, “I don’t think it’s even possible to fix this.” And, probably the most hurtful thing was, “ I don’t love you.” Have you ever heard your husband say those words to you? Or maybe you haven’t heard those words, but your husband’s actions make you feel like he doesn’t love you? It’s a tough pill to swallow. I had a choice to make. I could either accept my husband’s verdict, or I could fight. As you can imagine, I chose the latter. I made the decision to not give up. I decided that I would do whatever I needed to do, to save my marriage. But why? Why would I decide to fight for my marriage in the face of not being loved? Why would I sacrifice my own comfort, my own feelings, and even my own pain, to fight for a man that chose not to do the same for me? In my husband’s own words, he asked me, “Why, why did you stay? What made you continue to love me, even after all I put you through?” As I looked back, I told him that during that season, “I wasn’t just fighting for our marriage; I was fighting for him.” When we got married, we promised to be there for each other no matter what. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till the end. And, although he had forgotten his end of our vows, I did not. I saw beneath the surface of my husband's actions. As I heard the words he spoke to me, it hurt, but I knew there was something wrong. This wasn’t the man that I married. The man that I married was caring and affectionate. This man, was cold and distant. During that time, he went into a deep depression. Every time I saw him, he looked like he had been beaten up by life. He had no energy, he was over worked, and he was exhausted. Whenever the topic of working on our relationship came up, he literally had nothing left to give. I could see it in his body language, and all over his face. You see, I realized that my husband was dealing with something that he couldn’t fight on his own. He needed my help. And, as his wife, I felt like it was my responsibility to pull him out of the pit that he couldn’t get himself out of. As wives, this is what we were built for. After God created Adam, He said: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” (Genesis 2:18 NLT) Now just think about that. Our God created Adam, knowing that it was not safe for him to walk through life solo. He knew that there would come a time, that Adam would need help, in order to reach purpose. So, He created Eve. God intended for us to be there when our husbands need us the most. We don’t need marriage vows when everything is wonderful, they are meant to anchor us, when all hell breaks loose. Have you ever felt like that? Like all of hell is coming against you and your spouse? Don’t ever forget that you have a real enemy, and it is not your husband. The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. (John 10:10 NLT) Jesus said that His purpose is to provide us with a “rich and satisfying life.” But our enemy, Satan, has a purpose as well. It is to keep Jesus’ plan from coming to pass. What if all the madness in your marriage was serving a purpose? And what if that purpose, was to keep the blessing and plan of God from manifesting in your life? This is why unity is so important. “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT) A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT) God’s desire is for married couples to have each other’s backs; but, our enemy’s goal, is to create division. When we are alone, we are most vulnerable. God's plan didn’t work out so well with Adam and Eve. They both knew that God told them not to eat from the forbidden tree, but they did it anyways. What if the story had been different, and Adam had not listened to Eve? What if Adam stood up and said, “No, we will obey God.” That one act of obedience on Adam’s part, could have changed the trajectory of his family’s future. This, is what God expected from him. And to the man he said, “Since you listened to your wife and ate from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you. All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it. (Genesis 3:17 NLT) What neither of them knew, is that the enemy had a bigger purpose in mind. It wasn’t just to get them to question God and sin against Him. No. It was to thwart God's plan from coming to pass in their lives. And, that is exactly what happened. So the Lord God banished them from the Garden of Eden, and he sent Adam out to cultivate the ground from which he had been made. (Genesis 3:23 NLT) Our husbands, just like Adam, are called to lead us in the purpose of God. And, I believe that this is why the enemy tries so hard to prevent them from doing so. When the leader, or protector, of the house is compromised, it is so much easier to target the rest of the family. As wives, we can fall into the trap of the enemy, or we can take a stand. We can let our enemy know that we will not just sit by, and do nothing. I could have given up. I could have just allowed myself to believe my marriage was over. My husband thought it was. He had no faith that it could work. As a matter of fact, he had no faith at all. He went through a season so dark, that he questioned who he was, and the faith that he had know all his life. But, I knew that God had purposed my husband for greatness, regardless of his circumstances at the time. When God looks at us, he doesn’t see how messed up we are, He sees who we were created to be. This was the case with Gideon. Gideon son of Joash was threshing wheat at the bottom of a winepress to hide the grain from the Midianites. The angel of the Lord appeared to him and said, “Mighty hero, the Lord is with you!” (Judges 6:11-12 NLT) The angel called Gideon a “mighty hero,” but at the time, there was nothing mighty or heroic about him. The Israelites were being oppressed, and the Midianites sought to destroy their food source. So, in order to feed his family, Gideon prepared food in hiding. Does this sound like a mighty hero to you? Gideon didn’t even believe what the angel had spoken over him. “Sir,” Gideon replied, “if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? And where are all the miracles our ancestors told us about? Didn’t they say, ‘The Lord brought us up out of Egypt’? But now the Lord has abandoned us and handed us over to the Midianites.” Then the Lord turned to him and said, “Go with the strength you have, and rescue Israel from the Midianites. I am sending you!” “But Lord,” Gideon replied, “how can I rescue Israel? My clan is the weakest in the whole tribe of Manasseh, and I am the least in my entire family!” The Lord said to him, “I will be with you. And you will destroy the Midianites as if you were fighting against one man.” (Judges 6:13-16 NLT) Gideon was so wrapped up in his current situation, that he couldn’t even accept God’s calling at first. He figured, that because of his lack of social status, there was no way that God could use him. But God knew something that Gideon didn’t. He had already chosen Gideon to rescue the Israelites. In fact, Gideon and his army later defeated the Midianite forces of over 135,000, with only 300 men. God told Gideon to go with the strength that he had, because He didn’t need Gideon’s strength. He only needed his faith and obedience. This was also the case with Abraham. When he was called by God, he was no great man. But, God spoke greatness over him, and his faith and obedience, brought God’s promise to pass. So the promise is received by faith. It is given as a free gift. And we are all certain to receive it, whether or not we live according to the law of Moses, if we have faith like Abraham’s. For Abraham is the father of all who believe. That is what the Scriptures mean when God told him, “I have made you the father of many nations.” This happened because Abraham believed in the God who brings the dead back to life and who creates new things out of nothing. (Romans 4:16-17 NLT) Look at how another version translates that last part. “…God, who gives life to the dead and calls things which do not exist as though they did…” (Romans 4:17 NKJV) This is what our God does. He breaths life into situations that are dead. He speaks his purpose over our lives, whether we are qualified or not. As I prayed, God began to showed me how he sees my husband. Instead of focusing on who my husband was at the time, I was able to speak the word of God over his life, and declare God’s purpose over him. My husband didn’t have the faith, but I did. I chose to use my faith to fight for him. That was my gift, that was my sacrifice. My husband went from not wanting to hear about God, to waking up early every morning, just to get alone time with Him. He spends time seeking God, so that he can be the leader he was meant to be. He takes care of our family, and he showers us with constant love and affection. Only God could work such wonderful miracles. This, is what marriage is about. It is about putting aside our offenses, to lift each other up. It’s not about defending ourselves from each other, but fighting on behalf of each other. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till the end. This, is being a Faith Giver. It’s giving the faith that you have, to help your husband reach his purpose. You don’t even need a lot of faith. It’s like when God told Gideon, “Go with the strength you have.” Right now, He is saying to you, “Go with the faith you have.” He will do the rest. Prayer Heavenly Father, I need your strength right now. Help me to be the wife that you desire for me to be. Show me how you see my husband. Show me how to pray for him, and how to call into existence the purpose you have for him. I know that all of your promises prove true. Even when he doesn't believe, help me to have faith enough for the both of us. Today, I choose to fight for my marriage. Today, I choose to fight for my husband. With your help, I will not give up. I believe that we will be victorious in You. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.