The Power Of Forgiveness

I came to the end of my rope more times than I can count, but I remember this one distinct time. I was at a worship concert and I told God that I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t have the strength. And He said, “Do you want me to heal your marriage? Because if you give it to me, I will.” I thought in that moment, that I had surrendered my marriage over to God, but in reality I hadn’t. I told myself, “It’s in God's hands now.” I had confidence in that. I walked away from that encounter feeling hopeful that God would heal my marriage, but it took a couple of years for me to really understand what He meant. I didn't understand what God was requiring of me. Yes, God made me a promise. He said that he would heal my marriage. But, He also gave me a condition. He said that He would heal my marriage I gave it to him. I reasoned that if I prayed for my marriage everyday, I was giving it over to God. But in reality, I continued to take matters into my own hands. God was telling me to stop what I was doing, and give my marriage to Him. He didn’t mean sometimes; He didn’t mean in part. He meant give it all to Him. He wanted me to completely surrender, and relinquish all control, so that He would have free reign to work in my situation. But, He didn’t just want all of my marriage. He wanted all of me. He wanted me to bring every disappointment to Him. He wanted all of my pain, and all of my anger. As long as I held on to those emotions, I was preventing God from using me. God wanted to use me as a vessel. But, my journey started with forgiveness. At the time, my husband did not consult my opinion or my feelings before making his decisions. Everyday, I was presented with yet another circumstance that caused pain. It was something he said or did, but more often than not, it was the things that he didn’t say or do. It was all the times that he wasn’t there when I needed him. It was the instances where he could see the pain in my eyes, but he proceeded with his actions. That’s what hurt the most. Knowing that my tears meant nothing to him at the time. Throughout my journey, each time that I felt hurt, God told me to forgive my husband. I remember asking God, “How? How can I forgive him when he continually hurts me?” Each time I forgave him, he did something else. I would think to myself, “He doesn’t deserve to be forgiven.” I felt like I shouldn’t have to forgive someone that didn’t care enough to stop hurting me. I felt like I should at least wait until he changed course and apologized. I guess I felt like holding his actions against him was the same thing as holding him accountable. But, this isn’t true. No matter how hurt or how angry I was, my husband was un-bothered. He went on with his life, while I sat frozen in brokenness. My unforgiveness was hurting me, not him. I was the one in pain; I was the one that was bitter and angry. I was paralyzed because I harbored the pain in my heart. I held onto the offenses; I had taken ownership of them. Holding a grudge kept me from living a life of joy and peace. Instead of living my best life, I wasn’t living at all. God asked me with each offense to let go, and give it to him. As I forgave my husband, and as I walked with God, He sustained me. His grace covered me, and the burden got lighter and lighter each day. Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT) When we forgive, we are able to put down the weight of our pain, and we are able to live in the peace of God. Each time I gave my grievance to God, He gave me freedom. I was able to live my life in joy, love, and peace, regardless of what was going on in my marriage at the time. I had a smile on my face, not because everything was wonderful in my life, but because I had the joy of the Lord in my heart. This was the journey that God would have me take, so that His glory could shine through my situation. He wanted to heal my marriage through me. He wanted to use me to bring His will into my situation. That’s how this works. He asked me over and over again to sacrifice my pain, and my desires, so that His will might be done in my marriage. Yes, I was angry; yes I felt betrayed and hurt. But God wanted me to set all of that aside to make myself available to Him. I felt like Jesus was saying, “This is your cross.” Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily, and follow me. If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. (Luke 9:23-24 NLT) This is the essence of what it takes to be used by God. God can not use us if we are clinging to our own way of doing things, and we insist on holding unforgiveness in our hearts. He wants us to let go of all of that, and cling to Him. He wants us to say, “ God, this hurts and this isn’t fair. I’m disappointed and angry. I’m sick of this, and I want out. But nevertheless, not my will God, let your will be done.” This is what Jesus said before He was crucified. He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.”(Matthew 26:39 NLT) Can you see the parallel between what Jesus said to the crowd and what He endured himself? He said that they must be willing to sacrifice their preference to follow Him. He even told them that if they tried to save their lives, they would loose it. But if they gave up their lives for His sake, it would be saved. Jesus knew that God would use His sacrifice to save the world. Who might be saved through your sacrifice? That question holds a lot of weight. When I made the decision to forgive my husband, and fight for my marriage, I wasn’t just doing it for me. I was fighting so that my husband would know God and reach his purpose. I was fighting so that my children would not have to grow up in a broken home. I wanted them to know what love looks like. I wanted them to have a front row experience of God’s glory and His restoration power, so that they could be rooted, knowing who God is in their lives. As a culture, we are so consumed by living a life of comfort, but are we actually comfortable? We seek to do whatever it is that satisfies us, but are we actually satisfied? Why is it that we conform to our desires, but we still lack satisfaction? Could it be that the way to really have a satisfying life, comes through sacrifice? This is what Jesus meant. We were not designed to meet our own needs, because God is our provider. He doesn’t just provide for our financial needs, but He provides for everything we need, including our emotional and relational needs. But God’s provision always comes at cost...our preferred way of doings things. God asks that we let go of all the baggage that is in our hearts, and give it to Him. He asks us to put His will and His kingdom above our own. He says if we seek Him, and live according to His ways, He will provide everything that we need. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. (Matthew 6:33 NLT) This is a promise. There will never be a time that you make a sacrifice for God and He fails to keep up His end of the bargain. So God is saying, “I know your preference, I know what would make you the most comfortable right now, but I need you to give that to me.” Don't trade the blessings and provision of God for temporary comfort. Remember what Jesus said? If you seek to save yourself, you will loose in the end. But if you take up your cross daily, if you put down your preference and seek His will, you will gain the life that God has for you. And that, will always be better than anything you could have planned for yourself. Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up. After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin. (Hebrews 12:1-4 NLT) We must let go of anything that is holding us back from receiving everything that God has promised us. My choice to forgive my husband unlocked the door to me being used by God. He didn’t just want my prayers, He wanted me. He wanted me to surrender everything that I was holding on to. I had to release my grip on resentment, so that I could be a conduit for God’s power to manifest in my marriage. This is the power of forgiveness. When we release the hurt, and when we let go of the resentment, we make ourselves available to be used by God. He takes our heavy burdens, and gives us the ability to walk through life with His joy. This is what we need. This is how He works. He takes all of our pain, and He uses it for His glory. Prayer Heavenly Father, remind me that your yoke is easy, and your burden is light. I want to live a life of freedom, and that only comes by allowing you to hold the weight of my pain. So right now, I give it all to you. I give you every offense. I give you all my hurt, all my anger, and all my resentment. In return, I pray that you would give me your burden instead. The burden of joy and peace. I want to dwell in your rest. I want to live the life that you have for me. So I need your help. I need your help to forgive my husband daily. I need you to remind me to bring my grievances to you daily, withholding nothing. Show me how to forgive, and give me the strength to walk in love. I need your help to do this Father. Thank you for walking with me. I know that nothing will be wasted, because you will use all of it for your glory. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.