I’ve experienced my share of hurts…let downs, disappointments, betrayal, and abandonment. I’ve been through so many negative circumstances that were no fault of my own…and at times, these situations left me feeling helpless…my life was not my own…I felt powerless. But somewhere along my journey, a shift took place…I decided that if no one was going to protect me, I needed to protect myself. I made an inner vow that I would do whatever I could to prevent myself from being hurt again. I began to put walls up. Because I feared disappointment, I decided to need people less. Because I feared betrayal, I decided to trust people less. Because I feared being let down, I sought to control situations.
Have you ever been hurt and thought that maybe you could have prevented it?
This was the thought that ran through my mind when I’d think about the things that happened to me. And I began to believe it. I began to believe that I could prevent myself from being hurt by asserting control over people and situations, but I told myself that I was just trying to help…I was just trying to help that person be successful at whatever task. I was just reminding them of what they needed to do, in case they forgot. I was just watching them, to make sure that everything was done right. Maybe you’re reading this, and you’re thinking, there’s nothing wrong with a friendly reminder. There’s nothing wrong with trying to help someone out. There’s nothing wrong with oversight…especially in certain situations. To this, I would say that you are absolutely right. But if you find yourself needing to be helpful often, needing to oversee tasks often, needing to remind people often…I want you to ask yourself why. For me, the reason is fear. I seek to help, oversee, and remind because I am afraid of what may happen if I don’t do these things.
Fear causes us to seek control.
In the past, I didn’t see anything wrong with my behavior. I felt that my past was evidence that I needed to take more control over my life. But lately, the Lord has been showing me how my need for control has negatively affected my life. These feelings of needing to make sure that everything is okay, have caused me to not be okay. Instead of resting, I am constantly doing something. Instead of living in peace, I am stressed out because I always have something on my plate. But lately, He’s been showing me that I’m so stressed because I’ve been trying to control things that I can’t…I can’t control what happens around me. I can’t control what other people do or don’t do. I can’t make sure that everything is alright all the time. There is no way for me to protect myself from things that are out of my control.
We don’t have control, but He does.
It’s a scary thought, to think that we have no control over our lives. But this is the truth. Yes, we can certainly make plans. We can certainly take steps to protect ourselves. But at the end of the day, we can’t control the world around us. We don’t have the ability to ensure our safety, but He does.
I look up to the mountains— does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. The Lord himself watches over you! The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The Lord keeps you from all harm and watches over your life. The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go, both now and forever. (Psalms 121:1-8 NLT)
We serve a God that never sleeps or slumbers. He is always watching over us. He is always taking steps to ensure that we are protected from harm.
So, what does this mean for us? This means that we don’t have to look over our shoulders. We don’t have to keep a close eye on the situation to make sure that everything will be okay…to make sure that we will be okay. This is God’s responsibility, not ours. And God has been showing me that when we seek control, it shows our lack of trust in Him.
Trusting God means trusting Him with the outcome.
I’m not saying that we don’t have a part to play. Of course we must take steps to make the right decisions. But once we have done all that we can do, the rest is up to Him. We must trust that He will ensure our safety. We must trust that He will give us favor in every situation. Now, does this mean that we will no longer feel hurt or disappointed? No. But, we must remember that God always has good plans for us, even when it doesn’t seem like it…even when we feel hurt.
This is honestly something that I have not mastered yet. As I said, I have been through a lot…but this is something that God is walking me through right now. He is teaching me to trust Him, in the middle of my fears and frustration…He is showing me that I can choose to trust Him right there…in that space.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7 NLT)
God is showing me that I don’t have to stress about the outcome, I can pray about it. I don’t have to worry about being let down or disappointed; I can pray about it. In the middle of whatever I am going through…In the middle of feeling like I need to control, but realizing that I have no control at all…I can pray, and I can expect His peace to cover me in that moment.
Once we do all that we can do, God will do the rest.
As I said earlier, we are not responsible for the outcome. We are only responsible for our own actions. Are we being obedient? Are we doing our part in the situation? Once we have done all that we can do, we must trust that God will do the rest.
This is the word that God has been speaking to me lately. He’s been showing me my anxiety. He’s been revealing the areas of my life that I feel the need to control. He’s been showing me where I need to trust Him more. And He’s been calling me to peace…to rest. He wants me to know that I can relax. I don’t have to have my guard up at all times. I don’t have to seek to protect myself from harm, because He has my back.
Have you found yourself in this place? Have you felt the need to control the world around you? Maybe your past has caused you to fear what may happen in the future. If that’s true, I want you to know that I am right there with you. I know all too well how you feel. But I also know our protector, our savior, our covering. I have been on a journey with Him…a journey of self-discovery…a journey where I’ve been having to learn to relinquish control to Him. And along the way, I have learned of His goodness and faithfulness. There has never been a time when I relinquished control and He’s let me down. He has always kept His word, and He’s taking me to a level of peace that I’ve never seen before. This…is what I want for you. I want you to know peace. I want you to know rest. But this only comes when we let go of our need to control. It only comes when we understand that although we can’t control the situation, we know a God that can. He is your protector. He is your guide. He goes before you and He has your back. You can rest in that. You can have peace in knowing that the sovereign Lord is on your side. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Trust in Him.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank you for reminding me that you are always with me. You go before me, and you have my back in every situation. In the times that I feel out of control, I pray that you would remind me that you are always in control, you always have good plans for me, and you will ensure that the situation works out for my good. Today, I am making a conscious decision to lean on you. Instead of seeking to control the situation, I will trust you with the outcome. But I know that this is a process. So along the way, I pray that you would show me where I need to trust you more. I pray that you would reveal my fears and anxiety, so that I can relinquish them to you. And I know that as I trust you, you will allow me to experience your peace. I love you Father. In Jesus’ name, amen.
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