The tragedies of life have a way of causing us to feel like we don’t know who we are. We face hurt and pain, rejection and loss…and after a while, it takes a toll on us. We end up in a space of confusion, wondering if what has happened to us is somehow a reflection of the person we see in the mirror. And instead of seeing the situation for what it is, we receive it as a part of our identity. We either believe that we were deserving of the hurt, and we live feeling like we are unworthy. Or we allow the hurt to cause us to put walls up, and we live in an effort to protect ourselves from anything or anyone that would seek to cause us harm in the future.
I have bounced back and forth between both conclusions. I have experienced feeling unworthy and defensive in the same season. I would tell myself that I was the cause of whatever happened to me, and moments later I would vow that I would never allow myself to be hurt that way again. And what’s worse, I allowed whatever situation to become a part of who I was. Sometimes, when you have struggled in an area for so long, you begin to loose hope that things will get any better, and that is exactly where I was.
My husband and I had been struggling for some time. Our marriage was hanging on by a thread, and my husband had no intention of reconciling. I was so hurt that he was not fighting for our marriage…that he wasn’t fighting for me, that I allowed the situation to speak into my life. I had thoughts that maybe I wasn’t good enough, and maybe I was the reason that he left. And I rehearsed these thoughts in my mind so often, that I began to accept them as truth. I found myself in a downward spiral, where I lost myself…I didn’t know who I was. So, I began to overcompensate. If I wasn’t good enough, I decided that I would become someone who was good enough. But all of that was futile, all of that left me in a space of feeling like I was living to be someone other than me. Because although I had forgotten who I was…I knew who I wasn’t.
In that same season, I was seeking God’s hand in my situation. I had grown so weary of striving to change things…and I realized that no matter what I did, I wasn’t able. Failure after failure showed me that only God could save me and my marriage. So, I began to turn my situation over to Him. Slowly, I began to relinquish control of everything detail of my life. Because the truth is, that while I was seeking God for healing, I was still being hurt. And I remember asking God—how can I forgive, and heal from a situation that I was still in the middle of? And He showed me so clearly, to give Him each hurt at a time. It wasn’t just that I needed to give Him the situation; I needed to give Him every detail…every hurt…in the middle of it. Instead of receiving the hurt, and holding on to it, I gave it to Him. Every disagreement we had, every time I felt rejected…I took it to God, and He showed me how to be still, so that He could fight for me.
I remember specific situations when God told me not to speak to my husband about my concerns. He told me to take my hands off the situation, so that He could have full control. There were times when I would almost go to God complaining, and He would say, “I’ve already taken care of that… now let’s talk about you.” And as frustrated as I was in that moment, I can see now, that God was doing a deeper work inside of me. He was preparing me to receive the healing that I was praying for.
You see, the truth is that it wasn’t just my marriage that was broken; I was broken, and I had been that way for some time. There were things from my childhood that I hadn’t healed from. Yes, I was feeling rejected by my husband, but that wasn’t the first time that I felt that way. Each time I felt like he hurt me, it reminded me of a time that I was hurt in the past. So now, when I look back, I can see that God didn’t just want to heal me of that current situation, He wanted to heal the years of brokenness that I had experienced. He wanted to see me whole, restored to the woman that He created me to be.
This is what Jesus wants for all of us…restoration.
I want us to take in the fullness of what this means. Restoration means to return something to its original state or condition. So, if Jesus desires to bring restoration to our lives, He wants to revive us, and return us to His original design. The bible tells us that God fashioned us with His hands. He created us in a specific way, and designed us for a specific purpose.
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.” (Jeremiah 1:5 NKJV)
For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. (Psalms 139:13-14 NKJV)
Many of us are searching the world for our identity and purpose, but the truth is that both of these things are already inside of us. Our God created us specifically for the calling that He has for us. His word says that before we were born, He knew us, and ordained us for His purpose. It says that He formed our inward parts…those things that are innate to us, those things that are foundational to who we are.
Just think about your life. What are those desires that have been in your heart since you were a child? Are there problems that you have always wanted to solve? Do you have a tendency to want to help people? Do you have sympathy towards a certain issue or group? Are there certain issues that make your heartache?
The answers to these questions, and others like them, can give us clues to who God has called us to be, and the purpose that God had called us to serve in the earth. But maybe you are reading this, and you really don’t have any answers at all. Life has a way of causing us to forget these things, but I want to reassure you that you can be reminded of them in the presence of God. When we get in His presence, and He begins to heal us, He removes the layers of brokenness, and reveals to us who we really are.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Most of us know this scripture from Psalms 139; maybe you’ve even recited it, but I want to go deeper into its meaning today. While researching this scripture, I came across an article written by Tessa Emily Hall, and in it, she writes this:
“‘Fearfully’ doesn’t imply that others should be afraid of us. Instead, the Hebrew word, in this passage, is “yare.” This means we have been crafted with great respect, honor, and reverence. The Hebrew word “wonderfully” is “pala.” This means we have been created in a distinct, marvelous way that is distinguished and set apart from others. So not only did God, in the process of creating us, do so with careful intention, but He also did so in a way that would cause us to be set apart from others. Isn’t that interesting? Especially considering that “being different” is often frowned upon in our society today. So many of us feel as though we need to blend in with the rest of the world. But this revelation—that we were uniquely created—is what propelled David to praise God” (Hall).
When I read this, it brought so much revelation to me. Because as Hall said, many of us seek to blend in with those around us. We live our lives to please others, so that we can feel accepted…especially after facing rejection. But we must understand that we weren’t designed to be like anyone else, and we weren’t created so that we can blend in. When we blend in, we are hidden from the world, but God never intended for us to be hidden; we were created to stand out…to be a light in the lives of those around us. But we can only become a light when we accept who we really are.
When we accept who we are, we have an opportunity to become the light that God has called us to be.
“You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. (Matthew 5:14-16 NLT)
This is the conclusion that I came to, in the darkest season of my life. I wanted to be accepted, but what I didn’t realize is that I already was. I was already approved by my Father in heaven. He is the one that made me. He fashioned me perfectly for the calling that He placed on my life. I didn’t need to become anything; I needed to embrace who I already was. I needed to embrace my gifts and talents, but also my weaknesses. I needed to allow God to show me where I was flawed, so that He could meet me in that place.
Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT)
God gave us our strengths, but He also gave us our weaknesses.
God fashioned each of us…and He doesn’t make mistakes. He gave us the things that He wanted us to have, and He left out the things that He didn’t want us to have. And He did this, so that He could complete our lives. According to 2 Corinthians, we are strong only through the power of Christ working in our weakness. Our weaknesses are the areas of our lives where God wants to be strong for us. And when we get to the place where we understand our weaknesses, and accept them as a part of who we are, we position ourselves to walk in the strength of our God; we position ourselves to walk in our purpose.
We see this play out in Moses’s life. In the book of Exodus, we learn that he was born a Hebrew, but he grew up as a prince of Egypt. He knew who he was, because he spent time with his birth family in his youth, but he lived a life of royalty, where he saw his people enslaved from afar. As I think about his life, I can only imagine how much he struggled with his identity. I can only imagine the amount of times that he wondered who he was, and what purpose he was supposed to serve in the earth. I bet that he often questioned why he was the one that was saved when Pharaoh ordered the killing of every newborn boy. There’s no doubt that he grew up conflicted, feeling misunderstood by his adoptive family and his own people. And In scripture, we learn about the desires that Moses had in his heart, probably from his youth. We learn that he longed for a relationship with the Hebrews, and that he felt compelled to save them.
Many years later, when Moses had grown up, he went out to visit his own people, the Hebrews, and he saw how hard they were forced to work. During his visit, he saw an Egyptian beating one of his fellow Hebrews. After looking in all directions to make sure no one was watching, Moses killed the Egyptian and hid the body in the sand. (Exodus 2:11-12 NLT)
After this happened, Moses found out that people knew what he had done, and he fled for his life. He ran…into the wilderness, where he found a place to call home; the place where he met his wife, and raised a family.
Years later Moses was tending his father-in-law’s sheep, when the Lord called out his name from the middle of a burning bush. And as Moses stepped closer, following the Lord’s instructions, God began to speak to him.
Look! The cry of the people of Israel has reached me, and I have seen how harshly the Egyptians abuse them. Now go, for I am sending you to Pharaoh. You must lead my people Israel out of Egypt.” (Exodus 3:9-10 NLT)
But Moses protested. Moses realized that he was not able to accomplish the task that God was giving him.
But Moses protested to God, “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” (Exodus 3:11 NLT)
I love Moses’s vulnerability and self-awareness in this moment. God has spoken to him, but he is in a place where he realizes that he is not a man that is capable of what God is asking him to do. And I believe that in that moment, Moses remembered his past failure. He remembered how he tried to save his people before—in his own strength, when he killed the Egyptian—and I believe that he remembered how he felt when he realized that he couldn’t. Moses understood his limitations. Yes, he was the prince of Egypt, but now, he is a fugitive living in the wilderness. Moses says, “Who am I’” to do these things that you have asked me to do? And I love how God answered him. God answered by telling him that He would be with him.
God answered, “I will be with you. And this is your sign that I am the one who has sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God at this very mountain.” (Exodus 3:12 NLT)
It’s almost as if God was saying, It doesn’t matter who you are, all that matters is that I called you…all that matters is that I am sending you, and I will be with you. But that wasn’t the last time that Moses protested God’s instructions.
But Moses pleaded with the Lord, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” (Exodus 4:10 NLT)
If you read through the entire passage of God calling Moses in Exodus 3 and 4, you will see how much Moses protested God’s instructions. And it’s very easy to read the conversation, and fault Moses for not obey God in faith the first time…especially since we all know how the story ends. But this week, as I thought about how our weaknesses contribute to the purpose that God has for us, Moses was the first person that came to mind. And as I thought about his story, I could see how his being forced to fleeing from Egypt was one of the best things that could have ever happened to him. Moses resulted to living in a place of seclusion, where he was no longer royalty. He was no longer able to hide behind his status; and so, he was forced to see and accept himself for who he really was. And I believe that this is exactly where God wanted him.
Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? (Exodus 4:11 NLT)
In God’s response, it’s almost as if He is telling Moses:
I made you who you are. I am the one that decides whether a person can speak well, or not speak well. I made you just the way you are for a reason. I know all of your weaknesses, and I still called you…and I intend to use you.
But Moses again pleaded, “Lord, please! Send anyone else.” Then the Lord became angry with Moses. “All right,” he said. “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he speaks well. And look! He is on his way to meet you now. He will be delighted to see you. Talk to him, and put the words in his mouth. I will be with both of you as you speak, and I will instruct you both in what to do. (Exodus 4:13-15 NLT)
This part of the story almost makes me laugh. On one hand, God sounds frustrated that Moses is questioning Him, but on the other hand, He has already provided for the thing that Moses is worried about.
And this is what we must understand about our God. Because He created us for purpose, He knows exactly what we need. He knows the things that come natural for us, and those things that don’t. We don’t have to worry, trying to figure out how we will do what God has called us to do, because He already has that covered. He already has our Aaron positioned in the right place at the right time.
But I want us to take a second and think about how Moses arrived at the point where He could be used by God. Because Moses lived in Egypt for the first half of his life, but he wasn’t called by God until well after he left.
The wilderness is a place where God takes us to reveal to us who we are.
Moses already had purpose inside of him, but he was caught between two worlds...confused about who he was. God needed him to get to a secluded place. A place where He could strip off the influence and responsibilities of his surroundings. It was in this place, that Moses became the man that God could use to lead His people to freedom.
Where is this place of wilderness in our lives?
The wilderness can be a place of disappointment. It can be a place of rejection or pain. The wilderness is often a place of confusion, or even loneliness.
So what am I saying?
I’m saying that the place of brokenness in your life, that place where you feel all alone, might just be that place that God designed for you to find out who you are. This might just be the place that He ordained for your healing. So that He can pick up your broken pieces, peel back the layers of walls that you have put up, and restore you to who He created you to be. This was the case in Moses’s life, and this was the case in my life.
Our Identity is found in God.
It’s not enough to be in the wilderness. We have to be in the wilderness, seeking the face of God. When we are in this place, we can find out who we are.
Are you in a wilderness now? Are you in a place of confusion and hurt? A place of brokenness, maybe even self-doubt? Maybe you find yourself asking God, “Who am I?” If that is you, I want you to know that you are exactly where God wants you to be. I don’t know what has happened in your life, and I’m not here to tell you that all of it happened at the hand of God. But nevertheless…it brought you here...now. And what I can tell you is that He has a plan to use it all for your good, and for His glory. This wilderness that you are in, can be the place where you finally realize who you are…if you allow it to be. I encourage you to look to your heavenly Father in this season, and take every hurt to Him. Take Him every disappointment and every moment of doubt. Allow His hands to hold every part of your life. I promise that as you run to Him, He is running to you. And I know that in our pain, it doesn’t always feel like it in the moment, but as you look back, you will see how He carried you forward and healed you along the way. You will look back and see the transformation. You will see how He used everything you’ve been through to mold you into who He’s called you to be. He’ll use the good and the bad, your strengths and your weaknesses, because He’s called you. And He desires to use you…all of you. So take His hand, and let Him lead the way.
Prayer
Heavenly Father, thank you for being here with me, in this moment. You know exactly where I am in my life; you know what I have been through, and you know the condition of my heart. So right now, I pray that you would overwhelm me with your presence. I pray that you would reveal yourself to me, and I pray that you would remind me to quiet myself, so that I can be more aware of your presence. Today, I am making the decision that I will not hold on to my hurt, pain, and disappointments, but I will give them to you. And as I relinquish it all to you, I know that you are healing me, and giving me peace. In this season, I pray that you would work in my heart and mind. Restore me to who you created me to be. God I want what you have planned for my life, so I am making myself available unconditionally to you. I give you my talents, my strengthens, and weakness. I give you everything, and I ask that you would use it all toward the purpose that you have for me. I trust you Father, because I know that as long as I am with you, I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I give you all the glory for all you have done, and for everything that you are about to do. I love you. In Jesus’ name, amen.
コメント